JonTron's StarCade: Episode 4 - Nintendo Star Wars

JonTron looks at Star Wars games on the NES and SNES in the latest episode of StarCade.

Synopsis
Jon loads a game into the NES, but it isn't working. The game is technically from the future and should be working fine. He blows into it, before trying again. The screen says that the game has been restricted by the empire for containing facts. Jon will need region unlocking systems that plays everything. There is an NES, Nintendo 64 and a GameCube all with Jar Jar Binks on them. Jar Jar yells "Oh no" when it is touched. Jon thinks that this is bad. Jon is fine if his dignity gets taken away, he didn't have much, to begin with.

The NES is famous for its history of great retro games. Jon thinks the music sounds a bit more upbeat than usual. Jon plays the drum. The cutscenes look good for the NES. The first level has the player riding around on a lance speeder, and to go on foot into caves. Jon wants his lightsaber. The music here doesn't really fit, and why is there a Brendan Fraser monster here? Jon finds Obi-wan in the cave. He has a cross-eyed gaze. There is a well-placed neon sign at the exit. Jon thanks whoever put it there!

It's similar to Zelda II with the overhead overworld, and the levels are sidescrollers. This type of game sucks and Jon hates it! There are some sections in the X-Wings and Millennium Falcon. It's really shaky. Jon finally gets his lightsaber. There is a top-down shooter segment too! There is a lot of variety here for the NES. Jon gets drawn into the game (literally!). Leia has a clubbed head for some reason.

Jon looks at the sequel game, The Empire Strikes Back for NES. The cutscenes and music are awesome again. Jon just got started on his ton just like the film when he gets interrupted! He gets interrupted again! Obi-Wan just keeps on interrupting him with worthless information. Jon tries to explain what is wrong with that when Leia interrupts Jon! Jon is annoyed!

The game is hard to control, and the blaster is a lot faster than last time! The game is mostly a platformer with many styles of gameplay. The credits have pictures of the developers. The game says "Choose the force", but it's still catchy, so Jon lets it slide. The Atari 2600 version of Empire Strikes Back is in this game as its own level - or as it is a better-known name, Bird vs Camel! This one level was an entire game ten years ago!

You can shoot up the butt of the AT-AT! Jon makes a skit from the X-Wing, and is concerned that the enemy is enjoying getting it up the butt! Jon is hit and gets shot down. The X-Wing takes a lot of damage, and Jon thinks he will be alright. Suddenly, the X-Wing blows up. However, Jon is better off than expected and has his own lightsaber. Jon runs up into the AT-AT and destroys it - he doesn't care about the game's rules!

He finally faces Darth Vader, who constantly shoots a blaster at you.

The next game is on the SNES in the Super Star Wars games. These are colorful, action-packed, and all unique in their own way. There's nothing bad about these games apart from the brutal difficulty. The blasters keep on getting faster and faster with each installment! Jon (dressed acts as a lecturer), predicts how fast the blasters will travel in the future, and accidentally shoots into the crowd! Jon starts yelling.

Rumor has it that there is another game. He heads onto eBay, and after 20 days, he opens a box containing a Japanese only Star Wars game for the Famicom. It is completely different from the American version. Jon discusses the plot. Jon doesn't recall the enemies in this game from the films. The Stormtroopers looks adorable. The game loops the one Star Wars theme throughout the whole game.

Jon is surprised to see Darth Vader so early on in the game. He fights Darth Vader, only to find that he turns into a scorpion! Jon doesn't think that this game was supposed to be a Star Wars game. It has an Egyptian level, and the enemies look like they would fit better in Zelda or Mario.

Jon finds Darth Vader again. Why is Luke swimming and Darth Vader is not? Suddenly, Darth Vader turns into a shark! This game seems to be about saving Luke's friends from animorphing Darth Vader's. The Millennium Falcon was here the whole time - it could have taken Luke around this whole time!

Jon finds Darth Vader again and wonders what he is going to turn into this time. Darth Vader dies in a puff of smoke. Jon thinks that it was actually him that time! Jon just wanted to kill an animal. Han Solo looks really happy.

Jon doesn't know what the lesson is. However, taking damage may turn you into a scary animal! Jon slaps himself and turns into a butterfly. Jon is bewildered.

Jon blows into a jug.