THE FATHER OF JUICING/Transcript

Video Here ---\/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XByTxV-I9Gs

[Text in square brackets = text not spoken but shown on screen]

{Text in curly brackets = text both spoken and shown on screen}

(Video cuts to Jontron in his living room, sitting on his blue couch.)

Jon: Last time as you may remember, I made a video center on products designed for the elderly. And while I was making it, y'know, I came to a very, sober realization:

Jon: FUCK getting old!

(Cuts to a picture of a group of elderly people. The picture is covered with a red X and text saying [GROSS!] is shown at the bottom of the screen. It then cuts back to Jon.)

Jon: I don't need a lotta power in this world, okay. I can be a stoic man. But, uh, the bare minimum I need is the power to keep my sphincter tight (Jon squishes the word {Sphincter} with his hands), and my pants white (Jon holds a png of sparkling white underpants), okay?

Jon: It's a phrase I live by.

Jon: And that is exactly why today, we are consulting with the one, the only: {The Father of Juicing}!

(A clip of the titular "Father of Juicing" waving at a crowd of people is shown.)

Jon: Or as he's referred to by mere mortals: {Jay Kordich}.