Titanic: The Legend Goes On

Jon takes a look at an animated cartoon film based off of Titanic.

Synopsis
Jon has been waiting as he stands by the seaside, waiting to be reunited with his love. He sees off the Titanic only to end up returning to the spot where he saw it off to cry. He finds a DVD of Titanic: The Legend Goes On, based on the legend of the Titanic. It's just a legend? Wasn't it a real thing? Jon realizes that his girlfriend wasn't real. Yes, this opening scene takes place in some kind of alternate universe where the sinking of the Titanic never happened, apparently the same reality where this movie was made.

Jon is in a restaurant on his own and is asked why he ordered two meals and left one to go cold.

Jon will be talking about the Italian children's animated movie, Titanic: The Legend Goes On. He doesn't know where to begin with this one! It's perfect material for a kid's film! He's forced to talk about the Titanic yet again! Jon's favorite topic of questionably topic youth feature "Beauty and the Trail of Tears" or Pocahontas.

Jon looks at the names of the people who made the film. They sunk the boat right away! Jon looks at the characters at the start of the film and sees Pongo from 101 Dalmatians, and wonders why they saved a dog that will only last three more years after this film!

The old women laugh as a man falls into the water. They keep showing looped shots and showing weird moments that look out of place. The movie now starts for real. How can anyone invest in this film after seeing everyone dying? A woman has a locket with a picture of herself on it. All the characters enter the ship and why are there anthropomorphic animals boarding the ship? Just about every character is ripped off from something else.

There is a devious looking old man who turns out to be the iceberg all along. The animations are jerky, looking like two directors were battling over the emotions that the characters have. There are so many characters doing so much in such a small amount of time that it is difficult to not mix them all up. There are two evil stepmothers in this. Jon shows some more insignificant scenes. Jon is unimpressed by the Mexican mouse stereotypes and dresses Mexican himself.

Jon looks at a scene with evil stepmothers, and Jon thinks that someone has stroked out. Jon tries to work out the plot. There is a dog that raps. Jon is confused and angry. Jon heads to the street with a radio. The mouse also speaks broken English.

Jon yells at another dog he has never seen before for making a confusing comment. Jon becomes even more confused as he calls the emergency writers. He throws the script out the window.

The two lovers meet, and Jon comments on the woman's odd pose and Jon wants to be painted like one of your french boys! She just walks away, playing hard to get. A new mouse with an adorably tiny candle is shown. Jon decides to pretend this scene never happened.

Jon doesn't want Angelica to count on having a life after this. Granny bails on the conversation. Jon doesn't want the film to become a musical, and the characters look sinister. Jon tears apart a scene with granny and Angelica together, as she prepares for the ball.

Jon yells at Angelica not to kiss the mouse, as it is how the black plague started. Jon is confused as another new character is introduced. Jon doesn't like another new character's red hair and a black beard combo. It doesn't look good on him. The main characters know nothing about each other.

They lived happily ever after as skeletons at the bottom of the ocean! Jon shows another bizarre scene from the film. Jon tries to shoot himself as another song plays. The iceberg is finally shown. All the characters scramble to reach the ship's exit. Characters are still singing!

The movie is finally drawing to a close, and the characters leave the ship. Granny is revealed to be Angelica's mother. Jon remembers that Angelica was looking for his father too. The women find a man in the water and find that it isn't the person they were looking for. Throw him back! It is the guy with the mismatched hair from earlier. William is then found, and then as soon as he is out of sight, he gets forgotten, as if they don't have object permanence yet!

They live happily ever after, except for all the people who have died. Jon is disappointed as the film still isn't over yet! There is a "Where are they now segment".

Jon points out that this isn't even the only Italian Titanic movie with talking mice! The other one is called The Legend of the Titanic! Jon decides to lay the film to rest. It is a terrible movie, and Jon throws the film into the ocean. Someone pops up saying that Jon dropped it, and Jon pushes him back under the water!