JonTron's StarCade: Episode 6 - Yoda Stories

Jon discusses Yoda Stories and interviews Yoda himself.

Synopsis
Jon welcomes the viewer to a very special guest. Yoda is the guest, and he is here to promote his new book "Green and Clean An Inspirational Story it is". Yoda was a crazy guy, who used to go around hurting people. He has now changed. Jon asks what kind of advice Yoda would give. Yoda knows what it feels like to be in a bad place. Anger leads to a gate.

Yoda advertises his YouTube channel GreenBoys. They do crazy prank videos. A video is shown of Yoda getting stomped on. Jon thanks Yoda for being on the program. Yoda peels away off the set. Jon asks if he is gone. Jon doesn't want him back, the bathroom is messed up.

The first book Yoda wrote is called Yoda Stories for Windows '95. Yoda watches you breathe in your sleep. Jon sees the first screen and gives credit to the person who trademarked this. They knew they were going to make sequels. This game is bizarre, as despite being made by Lucas Arts, it looks like a generic Windows '95 game. It has a grey box.

This is the second game in the Lucas Arts Desktop Adventure Series. The first one was Indiana Jones and his Desktop Adventures. it has literally billions of possible games! It is all one small floppy disc. More like billions of lies!

Jon makes a skit about being Indiana Jones working at his desk. Jon argues with his wife about the piece on the mantle. It looks good because Indy (Jon) put it there! Indy whips it off the mantle. His wife complains about how he resorts to violence.

These games don't have a story - they were supposed to just be a timekiller like Minesweeper, and they kind of look the same. They were proud of the replay-ability - it even says "Goodbye Solitaire!" on the box! Jon sees a card of Chewbacca, that looks like it is from his swimsuit edition, but it is apparently a standard pose for him, as Jon shows a Chewy action figure in the same pose.

The games are randomly generated. Each game is supposed to be played in a short setting. The goal is to find Yoda, who will give Luke a challenge. Luke looks like a gremlin.

R2-D2 is spelled "Artoo" for some reason. Artoo says to drop him on anything and he will give the player some hints. Jon drops a book onto the floor and picks up R2-D2. He drops R2-D2 onto the book. It screams as it falls, and breaks into several pieces when he hits the ground! Jon stares at R2-D2. The words "Physics learned" appears on the screen.

Yoda turns into a sample of carbonate, and Jon is confused as to what it is. There is no sound in this game. It is silent - apart from the sound of him jerking off. Jon finds some familiar music, but it stops halfway through. Jon doesn't understand what the enemies are doing as they bounce around the room.

Jon doesn't know what's going on as he finds a blaster in a creature's asshole. What's he been eating? Jon doesn't know who is winning the fights. The death sound is a sloop. It sounds like someone getting a butt-plug removed. Jon rants about the poor choice in sound.

Jon shoots himself with a laser gun, with the silly sound effect. There are multiple environments. The game is all about problem-solving. Someone gives Jon an ore drill after almost dying. Jon gives up and doesn't want to play anymore. Jon gets a perfect Yoda. Jon's face flies across the screen like the cards in Solitaire.