This video has a transcript page. View it here: Waterproofing My Life With FLEX TAPE/Transcript.
Waterproofing My Life With FLEX TAPE is the 2nd episode of Season 4 of JonTron, and involved Jon watching infomercials about Flex-brand industrial adhesive products and subsequently mocking them by testing them out in unintended or otherwise intentionally incorrect ways.
The episode starts off with Jon doing...something on a computer, only to have his blood bag (which is present for yet unknown reasons) begin spilling onto the computer, causing it to short-circuit. Jon, in a morbid display of casual turmoil, remarks that he hates it when this happens. A hand comes up and sloppily slaps a piece of Flex Tape onto the compromised blood bag, "fixing" it. Jon then, in an exasperated tone says, "Of course! The solution was Flex Tape!"
Jon begins his tale of woe, telling the viewer of his first encounter with Phil Swift and his adhesive products. He mentions that he happened to catch an infomercial while at a pub, and found himself enamored by Phil Swift's enthusiasm, at one point jokingly comparing Flex Tape to Jesus in terms of popularity. He then passes the viewer onto the first infomercial, but not before making it known that he is indeed NOT sponsored by Flex Tape (although he wishes he was).
The infomercial starts with Phil Swift introducing himself and the product. He immediately demonstrates Flex Tape's ability by slapping a piece over the hole of a leaking water tank, stopping the leak dead in its tracks...which Jon proceeds to replay in slow motion with dramatic music and the Tourettes Guy screaming "Oh shit!" overlaid on top of it.
Jon then takes a moment to mock the rather simplistic and catchy names of the spokespersons of these types of products (jeez that's a lotta plurals). "Phil Swift" and "Johnny Starr" he uses as examples. He presents "Josephi Krakowski" as a spokesperson for Flex Tape instead.
Phil then talks about how leaks can cause continuous damage and how Flex Tape can fix them with its ability to instantly seal and bond. He demonstrates with another tank of water, this time one with two leaks which drain into a basin. He plugs up one of the leaks from the inside to show that the tape indeed functions underwater as well. Jon overlooks this, never a man to be easily impressed (except when he is) points out that Phil only plugged one of the leaks, claiming "You've [Phil] done half a job and you got a full smile!"
Phil claims that Flex Tape can hold its grip in the toughest conditions, which is apparently a warm front-level shower, as Jon points out. The demonstration continues on to show a branch falling onto a rooftop, which startles Jon enough to make him jump backward. He also brings up the fact that infomercials really like to inflate their product as some sort of miracle worker. He jokes that it could be used to plug up vascular lacerations. He then brings up the fact that these ads never really divulge into what a product can't do. He suggests that Flex Tape couldn't repair a broken marriage, though could potentially be more effective than placebo.
We then cut to Phil lifting a forty-five-pound barbel weight with one hand and a piece of Flex Tape secured to the side of the weight. Jon is understandably taken aback by such awesomeness. He declares Phil to be super strong. He then gets a little bit creepy with the viewer by telling them that he's acquired pictures of Phil Swift which he hangs on his walls and has Photoshopped to be naked.
Phil then delivers the pièce de résistance, the infamous boat scene, where he saws a metal fishing boat into two perfectly symmetrical halves and repairs it back to a functional boat using nothing but Flex Tape. Jon is obviously skeptical of this claim. Nonetheless, Jon purchases some Flex Tape for himself and attempts to test its effectiveness...by using it to plug up his sink and shower faucets (to no avail), attempting to smother his cat (not for real) and then finally using it to cover up two infamous leakers (Edward Snowden and Julien Assange).
Flex Seal: Liquid
Next up is a variant of Phil Swift's Flex Seal (the base product of which we'll get to last), which is in the form of a quick-dry adhesive fluid that is meant for quick sealing and repair. Phil starts of the presentation by showing off a colander that has been sprayed with Flex Seal so that it no longer serves its purpose now that it can hold water. Jon is quick to point this out, stressing that Phil could have just grabbed a bowl (in this case a pot) instead of ruining a colander. Phil goes on to demonstrate that Flex Seal Liquid can be poured into cracks, presumably to plug them up a la blacktop tar, but because he doesn't elaborate, Jon gets a bit antsy. Phil then proceeds to take a wooden hammer and dip the handle into a tub of Flex Seal Liquid to create a firm, rubber grip. Jon fails to see the application entirely and then proceeds to do it himself.
Jon grabs a power drill, claiming it to be worthless in its present state (despite revving it and showing that it works fine) and consequently dunks it into a large vat of Flex Seal Liquid, ruining the drill, and then claims it to be many times improved. He then takes a container of alcohol and claims to be able to stop grandfathers from drinking merely by sealing the bottle shut with Flex Seal Liquid. Then he just takes a fork and dips it in the liquid, claiming it to be fixed.
We then cut back to Phil, preparing another boat demonstration, this time an airboat with a hull made entirely of mesh. He then proceeds to paint it with Flex Seal Liquid and somehow gets it successfully out on the water. Jon is in complete disbelief and mimics what he thinks Phil would actually be like if this were really the case.
Flex Seal: Extreme Bucket Demo
Now, onto the final product, the original Flex Seal Spray. This demonstration video is less scattered than the previous two and focuses primarily on one thing: a bucket. the demo starts with Phil talking rather aggressively to the camera while holding a Bowie knife. Jon is very disturbed by this, thinking Phil has lost his sanity. As Phil begins to stab the bottom of a bucket with the knife, a blurp shows up on screen urging viewers, "Don't try this" as opposed to the more traditional, "Don't try this at home." which Jon proceeds to mock. Claiming Phil to be a psycho who has trapped the production team.
Phil stops stabbing the bucket to speak his iconic phrase "That's a lotta damage!" which Jon has a slight disagreement with. Phil then breaks out a chainsaw and the blurb reappears, now with the addendum, "Seriously" in front of it. Jon then makes a hilarious statement about how Phil has sniffed so much Flex glue that he can only see Martians.
Phil attempts to fill the damaged bucket with water, and well and behold, it leaks. He then proceeds to spray the inside with Flex Seal. Jon fails to see the hyperbole in what is going on and simply dwells on how redundant it is to want to repair something that was deliberately broken. After noticing that the adhesive is beginning to stack as more coats are added, he notes that too much could render the bucket useless.
We then cut to a skit of Jon playing a man who spent $356.87 on Flex Seal, who has a bucket that has been filled about an inch from the brim with solid Flex Seal. He struggles to lift it and hardly manages to pour a cup of water into it without spilling anything, yet the entire time he maintains that the bucket is still perfectly usable.
Jon begins to compare the utility of Flex Seal to Flex Tape, the latter of which was much faster in execution, like a miracle product. As Phil begins to detail the damage he did to the bucket, Jon funnily acts as though its an autopsy without the consent of the bucket's family. Jon then attempts to do a skit where he murders a bucket but he gets legitimately concerned that he could harm himself while doing so and bails. Jon nears the end of the episode by getting a little overly literal with some of the things shown off near the end.
It all culminates in Jon putting Flex Tape on his butt to hold his poop in, claiming to be Phil Swift and a prostitute, ending the episode in the form of an unnerving consultation screen. In a post-credits scene, Jon, covered in Flex Tape, splashes a cup of water to himself, runs through his house, wishing for death and claiming that he's too perfect.
- Jon's blood bag can be seen filling back up repeatedly between shots.
- The video has received over 51 million views in the span since its release.
- It is unknown how Jon got the Flex Tape off his body. Some say he still has patches of immortality to this very day as a result of the experiment.
- This is the first episode of JonTron Show to not be affiliated with Normal Boots, as John had left the group prior to its release.